He is not just a pastor to me.

Faith / Hope / Love

Pastor-Tan-Seow-How-at-Heart-of-God-Church

Such a happy day, today is Pastor How’s birthday! 🙂

As I scrolled through instagram, my whole feed were of all of my friends wishing Pastor How happy birthday. When I read each post, of how he loved, believed, respected and changed the lives of each and every one of them, I almost teared. It was so true, that Pst How is not just a pastor, but he is like a spiritual father to all of us.

Pst How and Pst Lia started Heart of God church so many years back with a heart for people.. And many years later, Pst How is still replying as many instagram posts as he can at 2am on the night of his birthday. Many years later, Pst How will take time out to meet the young people, know more about them and believe in them. Many years later, Pst How will want to take the time…

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Just a thought.. :)

Just a thought tonight.. Really, really grateful for the life I lived.. Because I know what is it like to live without a purpose, without joy, without love, without hope and then slowly being able to walk into my destiny, being able to start to forgive, to love and to have big dreams.. Still remember the girl I was 2 years ago and I can never imagine what would have happened to me today if God didn’t find me, picked me up and brought me to the place I’m eternally grateful for – HOGC..

However, I have also realised something – It is easy to see the need for God in our lives and be thankful when we have nothing (just like how I did 2 years ago).. but when we start to have everything we need, it is easier to take things for granted and slowly start to feel we don’t need so much of Him in our lives anymore.. But today, I tell myself that even if I have experienced the many, many breakthroughs that God has given to me – yet I still know that I need Him more, yet I still want to learn to know Him even more, to love His Word even more, and to serve Him even more.. Up till today, I’m still in awed of the great things God can do and will do, still in awed of the many times He touches me with His unfailing love, but really, I’m just in awed of who He is in my life.. Sometimes, we still do get tired and weary.. and somehow on these days, we start to rely more and more on our strength even though these are the times we need to rely on God the most. We start to complain and we start to blame Him- and the things that we used to be in awed of no longer leaves us amazed.. But this is not how it should be. Came to realised how much I need Him more and more everyday in my life.. I do feel tired, too. But every time I feel tired, I am reminded of His greatness and His goodness. I don’t lie on a bed of roses every day and on certain days, I may end up walking into my valleys and into the darkness. Yet, it is in these times that His light shines even brighter and His greatness becomes even more evident in my life.. He is really an amazing God.. 🙂

While writing this, I am really thankful for the people He have placed in my life too especially the people that have always propelled me forward, people that have always been there to speak life.. And for the people I serve too.. Just want to do this for the rest of my life!! So amazed at what God can do through my life in just 2 years. Even more excited for the future years to come!! It is going to be amazing. 🙂

On a side note: Can’t wait for service this weekend!! 🙂 Gonna be GREAT!! 🙂

God’s Love

One of the thing that amazes me the most up till today is God’s love.. Can never comprehend the extent and magnitude of His great love for us.. I am so, so thankful that in God, it is never about a religion but a relationship.. This means that I can be so imperfect with all my mistakes and my flaws but yet there is a God that I can call a Friend and a Father..

I remember growing up, being so emotional and broken on the inside.. Always looking for a perfect love and for more attention.. It has been this way for 14 years and I am so glad that God’s love has changed everything since I was 14 years old. I remembered stepping into HOGC with so many people welcoming me.. Just a few weeks later, the people there even came all the way to my house to surprise me for my birthday. At that time, I honestly didn’t understand why people would go to that extent just to love me. But as I kept going back, I started to realise why.. It was because of the great and immeasurable love in the God that they worshipped and that is why they are able to go the extra mile to love others.

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Time really flew in the next few months in church. His love is one that I can never comprehend but also one that has changed me so much from the inside out.. The emotions, the fears, the insecurities, and the pain that once bound me slowly left – it was in His love that I start to begin to dare to dream and dare to believe that I can have a great future!! More than that, my pastors and leaders have also really believed in me, they were the ones that saw beyond my weaknesses and the ones that believed that I will have a great future and do great things for God.

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Psalms 30:11
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
[This verse really spoke to me when I was still a new Christian]

This is why I am so, so thankful for God and for HOGC. People always ask me “Why are you so committed to church? Why do you love Jesus so much?” This is the reason why. The love of God.. My commitment and my love for God will never be able to compare to the great love He has for each and every single of us – to the point where He even knows the number of hairs on our head (Luke 12:7 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.) 

Thankful.. for such a great God.. Thankful.. for my pastors and my leaders that have constantly sowed so much into my life, spoke so much into my life.. Will always, always remember those times when I see my Pastors around, and they would encourage and affirm me!! It is here in church that I don’t have to strive to fit in, or strive to be the best but yet people still love me for who I am.

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CCC- Your Love Amazes Me
Your love, it amazes me
Your love has lifted me
Higher than I can possibly dream Your love amazes me

The same love that captivated me in the past still captivates me today.. Amazed by the power, the strength, the revivals, the breakthroughs, the promises that have came to past but even more so by God Himself, His love and simply His presence. Just simply want to live a life for God and for others.. Thankful for a life that is different but filled with so much significance!!


Significance.. :)

Nights like these and I am just thankful to be able to lead a significant life.. It is when I am so thankful to be able to just simply love God, love people and love life..

One of the things Steph shared with me just recently, “Let’s not trade our 1 cent problems for a 100 dollar destiny.” It really struck me.. Just 2 years ago, someone believed in a 1000 dollar destiny in a young, and emotional girl. Just 2 years ago, someone, while going through her own problems, chose to love, to believe, and to affirm. Eternally grateful for my leaders.. They are the ones that never fail to speak life into my life, to encourage, to affirm, and just see me through every single season I go through..

Cannot believe that right now I can be doing the same for someone else too.. Just thinking about all these, and I tell myself that I will never want to trade whatever I’m doing right now with someone else. Why would I want to live an ordinary life living for just myself and my pleasures when I know that somewhere out there, I can make a difference.. That somewhere out there I can carry that same love, faith, joy and hope to someone else.. Not emotions, but convictions. Always want to be found doing this for the rest of my life..

Fight On!!

Looking around, I know that everyone has their own seasons to fight, their battles to conquer, their mountains to climb and their own valleys to go through but yet, they keep pressing on, and they never give up. Really very thankful how God has brought me so far and how He has been with me through my toughest seasons.

People blame God when they go through tough times & when they don’t see the light in their darkest nights. Honestly, I have those days where I would feel the same way — frustrated, stressed, worried.. Nevertheless, I am glad that now, I have Him in my life. That even though the same problems comes, but now I trust Him and believe in Him. I’ve learnt to not shun these problems or to escape from them, because it is these tough times where I learn to bounce right back up and to keep on fighting. It is also the times I learnt and grown the most, picking myself up & picking up the sword. In Him, I know that every battle has already been won.. My God is an amazing God!

On a side note, had a really busy week, but it was a great and really fruitful week!! 🙂 Yesterday, we had a really good squad bonding time just yesterday.. 🙂 Thankful to have my squaddies in my life. Been through almost everything tgt, many many more adventures to come.. Also very thankful to have great people around me, my family, pastors, leaders, & friends.. I am blessed, really blessed. 🙂 Sleeping with a smile tonight, just so thankful!

Conquer.

It has been a really, really long week, and I need to admit that it is not the easiest week.. Tired and stressed – but I remembered God’s faithfulness and His goodness for the past 15 years of my life, I remembered what He had done for me, the miracles, the breakthroughs, the victories, the prayers that were answered, the mountains that I have moved, the valleys that I have conquered..

I remembered His love, and how He never gave up on me, how He encouraged me in my darkest times.. And I just knew that while I may be going through a tiring and exhausting week, it doesn’t give me the right to bring those darkness to the people around me, it doesn’t give me the right to give up loving and serving..

Trembling, but I’ll trust God, and I’ll still give my best to serve God.. Today, I still believe in His power, His strength, and I still have faith that just as I have overcame all the things I did in the past, I’ll overcome them now, too!

Here’s a song that always encourages me… and a verse that reminds me to rely on His strength and not mine 🙂

Parachute Band – You Remain
“Jesus You’ve carried me this far
I’ll hold on to this hope inside my heart
When all else fades
You remain

Your hands that made me
Carry me still
Your every promise
Will be fulfilled”

Joshua 10:11
And it happened, as they fled before Israel and were on the descent of Beth Horon, that the Lord cast down large hailstones from heaven on them as far as Azekah, and they died.There were more who died from the hailstones than the children of Israel killed with the sword.

Relying on God because with God, all things are possible. Gonna conquer!! Never going to stop fighting, stop giving, stop serving.. He is good. And I have nothing to fear. 🙂 And if you are reading this, and you are feeling pretty down yourself, don’t give up because the darkest nights will end and the sun will rise. You may not see the light right now, but you will see it soon enough.. 🙂

Hercules said “I am on my way. I can go the distance. I don’t care how far, somehow I’ll be strong.” Go the distance, you will be surprised how strong you actually are 🙂

On a side note, I travelled home in a very empty bus and it made me very very happy hehe 🙂